I recently heard an amazing talk by David Ault at the Spiritual Living Center of Atlanta. He has a wonderfully elegant way of phrasing things so that everyone get the message the need. This specific talk was about (to me) what happens when something “bad” happens. Last week, 27 people, including 20 young children died at the hands of another. When something like this happens I know I go though a process. First it’s shock and denial then we move into anger. After that it’s action; “we must do something” but what do we “do”?

Gentle Journeys Birthing

creating connections to heal

You may or may not know that I live my life based on the principles of Law of Attraction and if you want more specifics about that, please feel free to email me. One of my core beliefs is that “you control you”. So often as kids we were trained that we were controlled by someone else (ie – our parents or teachers) because that’s how they were raised. Children should be seen and not heard right? Even in our school systems we are trained to do what our teachers tell us to do even going as far as having to ask to use the restroom and being told when to eat and when to play. We were not treated and autonomous humans with our own needs, feeling, wants and dreams but rather as a piece of clay that needed to be molded into whatever that adult wanted us to be which can be very confusing depending on how many adults we came into contact with at any given day. We were trained to look for approval outside of ourselves and to ask for permission for whatever we wanted to do. If you take that theory a little further in the life of that child to where they are now an adult, they are still looking for approval from outside sources. Looking to control their outside world to create peace and harmony in their inner world. This can lead to LOTS of frustration because at the end of the day, the only thing we can really control is ourselves. I do my best to teach this to my children saying “you control you”. As much as we want to sometimes, we cannot control our little sisters or our parents or even our spouses. (I know. I’ve tried…) We have learned so many ways to get someone to do what we want but if they are not doing it out of love, it can foster resentment and anger.

So where do we go from here? OK, I understand that the only true thing that I can control is myself and my thoughts right but… what happens when something horrible happens: a natural disaster or human one. Shouldn’t we do something? Shouldn’t we make tougher laws and stricter punishments?  Shouldn’t we try to control other people to stop this from happening in the future? My answer is no. But Stephanie, kids died! I know and I will surround those left behind in love and light as they travel on their journey. I will hold my kids just a little bit tighter and I will grieve. I will cry and shout and scream, and I know “I control me”. Period.

So, do I think there should be no laws and no punishment. Ideally, we shouldn’t need them and right now we are living the human experience. To be here in the physical form, we have asked for contrast. We have asked for the opportunity to grow and expand. Sometimes the only way we can realize what we really want is to experience the opposite of that. Every day we have the chance to grown and learn. Some days there are big opportunities and other days there are the smaller ones. My awesome partner, Anna Banguilan has a saying “clarity through contrast”. I never knew I didn’t like tomatoes until I tried one but hate will never “fix” hate and pain will never “cure” pain. Love can.

Take a moment if you will and think of a person that you think is a “bad” person or someone who did a “bad” thing. That person was once a child that laughed and cried and had their own little spark but somewhere along the way, that spark flickered. A connection was broken. In our society we are so focused in technology and we hide behind our computer and phones that we forget to connect. We put our headphones on at the grocery store or the mall and may times, we don’t even know our neighbors names much less how they are doing. There are little babies with flat head because they are not being held. There are adults that never leave their house because they are afraid but we need connection. Humans are pack animals. We thrive when we are together. We need each other and we crave the connection to other people that are on this same human journey.  So if you want to “do something” when a tragedy happens, love. Go hugs your kids and go talk to your neighbors. Take a moment to sit in a place of love and know that you do make a difference. Like attracts like and the more we love, the more we will be love. The more we connect with others, the more other will connect with others. When we can get to a place of love for everyone and everything, that’s when we will need no laws because we will be governed by only one: love.

If you are not in that place, it’s ok because how can we show love for someone else if we don’t feel it inside. You control you so first, tend to your own needs. Life is all about the journey so if your not there yet, it’s ok. Find your next step and enjoy your journey knowing that you will get there.