Today I had the experience that every parent dreads. I have been fortunate enough that in my 6.5 years of being a mom, I have never had to face this up until now and today, we were the ones carrying a screaming child out of a store. Yes, my son threw a fit in the parking lot. Luckily he waited until we got outside to really let it rip but non the less, we were “those parents” today.
Let me back up a bit. For the past month or so we have been going to the Spiritual Living Center of Atlanta. I call it church but that’s just because saying “we’re going to the Spiritual Living Center” is long and I’m lazy. They do have services on Sunday morning and there is singing but the message is different but I digress… This morning, my son didn’t want to go which was odd because he has been having a lot of fun. Last week he even won a prize! So I was guessing that he just didn’t want to get out of bed. He has done this before and when I insist, he is usually fine. I say he can just sleep in the car. This morning was a no go though. Looking back I think it was because my partner was home and we were not 100% on the same page. She wanted to go but in frustration said she would stay home so after much ado, the 2 of they stayed home.
While I was gone I had a chance to step away from the situation and realize there was something behind his request. Maybe he wanted to connect with my partner, maybe he really was tired or maybe he is trying to assert his independence a little more. Or maybe a combination of all of the above. So when I got home, we talked and I thought everything was good. Part of him not going with us was no tv time today and no “extras” today. We were all hungry after that so we went out to lunch then decided to go to the store. I wanted to pick up a few things but nothing major. Usually when we go to the store, my partner buys the kids something (which is a topic for another day) but today again was a no go.
First came the pouts and the the big bottom lip. We talked and I gave him options but there seemed to be no room for compromise in his mind so . . . we left. As we were walking out he was lagging behind so as we crossed the street, my partner grabbed his hand and that is where the fit came. In the car it just went on. There was no yelling but hurt hearts. I told him that usually when something like this happens its because someone is hungry or tired so when we get home, he needed to go take a time out in his room. Also because I knew I was loosing my patience and I didn’t want to say something I didn’t mean. Within 10 of him being in his room, he was asleep.
So what do all of this mean? What is MY lesson here? For me it means that sometimes you just need to go back to the basics. When they are babies it seems like we have a check list when they are crying: hungry? tired? wet diaper? gas? cold/hot? lonely? but as they get a little older, I know I have forgotten my “list”. This morning in my rush to get out of the house, I threatened to call Santa. It wasn’t fair and later I apologized to him for that remark but tonight, I ask myself how different the day would have been if I would have gone back to the basics this morning. How different could that interaction been if my primary intent was connection?
I think this is a great lesson that can be applied is all areas of life. We all have a few basic needs and when they don’t get met, we kind of FREAK OUT just a little. So when some conflict comes up, try asking yourself to go back to the basics. Are my needs for food, shelter, sleep, security and connection being met? and are the other persons need for food, shelter, sleep, security and connection being met? My guess is that 99% of the time the answer is no and that when we address these basic needs, the conflict will resolve itself.
I recently watched and amazing TED talk by a high school math teacher (Dan Meyer). It is so worth the 20 minuets and one of the things I got was that finding the answer is not all there is. The empowering part of the journey is learning what questions to ask to get to that answer.
Enjoy your journey!
So I did it. I hijacked Universal Energy Radio. I will be doing a (hopefully) weekly radio show called Quantum Parenting so here is the first installment.
I recently heard an amazing talk by David Ault at the Spiritual Living Center of Atlanta. He has a wonderfully elegant way of phrasing things so that everyone get the message the need. This specific talk was about (to me) what happens when something “bad” happens. Last week, 27 people, including 20 young children died at the hands of another. When something like this happens I know I go though a process. First it’s shock and denial then we move into anger. After that it’s action; “we must do something” but what do we “do”?
You may or may not know that I live my life based on the principles of Law of Attraction and if you want more specifics about that, please feel free to email me. One of my core beliefs is that “you control you”. So often as kids we were trained that we were controlled by someone else (ie – our parents or teachers) because that’s how they were raised. Children should be seen and not heard right? Even in our school systems we are trained to do what our teachers tell us to do even going as far as having to ask to use the restroom and being told when to eat and when to play. We were not treated and autonomous humans with our own needs, feeling, wants and dreams but rather as a piece of clay that needed to be molded into whatever that adult wanted us to be which can be very confusing depending on how many adults we came into contact with at any given day. We were trained to look for approval outside of ourselves and to ask for permission for whatever we wanted to do. If you take that theory a little further in the life of that child to where they are now an adult, they are still looking for approval from outside sources. Looking to control their outside world to create peace and harmony in their inner world. This can lead to LOTS of frustration because at the end of the day, the only thing we can really control is ourselves. I do my best to teach this to my children saying “you control you”. As much as we want to sometimes, we cannot control our little sisters or our parents or even our spouses. (I know. I’ve tried…) We have learned so many ways to get someone to do what we want but if they are not doing it out of love, it can foster resentment and anger.
So where do we go from here? OK, I understand that the only true thing that I can control is myself and my thoughts right but… what happens when something horrible happens: a natural disaster or human one. Shouldn’t we do something? Shouldn’t we make tougher laws and stricter punishments? Shouldn’t we try to control other people to stop this from happening in the future? My answer is no. But Stephanie, kids died! I know and I will surround those left behind in love and light as they travel on their journey. I will hold my kids just a little bit tighter and I will grieve. I will cry and shout and scream, and I know “I control me”. Period.
So, do I think there should be no laws and no punishment. Ideally, we shouldn’t need them and right now we are living the human experience. To be here in the physical form, we have asked for contrast. We have asked for the opportunity to grow and expand. Sometimes the only way we can realize what we really want is to experience the opposite of that. Every day we have the chance to grown and learn. Some days there are big opportunities and other days there are the smaller ones. My awesome partner, Anna Banguilan has a saying “clarity through contrast”. I never knew I didn’t like tomatoes until I tried one but hate will never “fix” hate and pain will never “cure” pain. Love can.
Take a moment if you will and think of a person that you think is a “bad” person or someone who did a “bad” thing. That person was once a child that laughed and cried and had their own little spark but somewhere along the way, that spark flickered. A connection was broken. In our society we are so focused in technology and we hide behind our computer and phones that we forget to connect. We put our headphones on at the grocery store or the mall and may times, we don’t even know our neighbors names much less how they are doing. There are little babies with flat head because they are not being held. There are adults that never leave their house because they are afraid but we need connection. Humans are pack animals. We thrive when we are together. We need each other and we crave the connection to other people that are on this same human journey. So if you want to “do something” when a tragedy happens, love. Go hugs your kids and go talk to your neighbors. Take a moment to sit in a place of love and know that you do make a difference. Like attracts like and the more we love, the more we will be love. The more we connect with others, the more other will connect with others. When we can get to a place of love for everyone and everything, that’s when we will need no laws because we will be governed by only one: love.
If you are not in that place, it’s ok because how can we show love for someone else if we don’t feel it inside. You control you so first, tend to your own needs. Life is all about the journey so if your not there yet, it’s ok. Find your next step and enjoy your journey knowing that you will get there.
So first of all, Happy Halloween! One of my favorite things to do during this holiday is to carve pumpkins and along with that comes roasted pumpkin seeds. Yummy!!! So you may be asking why I’m posting this on a birthing blog and there in an excellent reason: iron. It is so important to get enough iron in life and especially during pregnancy because iron is needed to make red blood cells which carry oxygen around the body. During pregnancy, our bodies need 25-40% more blood so of course we need more iron. The recommended dose of iron during pregnancy is 27 mg per day. (for non-pregnant women it’s 18 mg per day.) Pumpkin seeds have about 8 mg of iron per cup and better yet, they also have some vitamin c which helps the iron get absorbed into our systems even better! If that weren’t enough, pumpkin seeds are also high in omega-3′s, antioxidants and other essential minerals.
Another important thing to note about iron is that babies are born with their iron stores for the first 5-6 months of life so if mom is anemic, baby has a higher chance of also being anemic. Iron in not readily passed though breast milk either. (side note -Another way to insure that your baby has an adequate amount of iron is to the delay the clamping of the umbilical cord until it has stopped pulsing or at least 5-10 minuets. Placenta encapsulation can also help replenish moms iron losses after the birth.)
Over the years, I’ve learned a few tricks to roasting your own pumpkin seeds. First of all, the easiest way to clean you seeds is to soak them in a bowl of water. When you soak them, the seeds float the the top and all of the pumpkin junk sinks to the bottom. I follow the soak with a quick rinse in a strainer and you’re good to go. Once your seeds are clean you can use your imagination as to how you want to flavor them. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- cinnamon sugar (a favorite in our house)
- hint of salt
- garlic and parmesan
- curry and salt
- cayenne and sugar
Or you could always do a pumpkin seed brittle, pumpkin muffins with a twist, or even make your own trail mix.
Once you pick your seasoning, roast them on 300 for 45 min. Chances are, your seeds won’t last the night but if they do, store them in a zipper bag or air tight container.
In love and light (and good food)
I recently had the opportunity to have a henna piece drawn on my arm. What is henna you ask? Well, henna is an all natural substance derived from drying and grinding the leaves and stems of the henna tree. The powder is mixed to make a paste which is then applied to the skin. After the paste dries, it flakes off to reveal a temporary brownish, red, or orange design. Some people use henna in ritual skin painting, called Mehndi, for birth and marriage celebrations. Western cultures have adopted henna to make temporary tattoos and organic hair dye. The dye on the skin will last sometimes 2-3 weeks.
I bring this up because henna is a beautiful way to celebrate your pregnancy. I just had a simple flower on my wrist but every time I looked down, it brought a smile to me face. The process of getting the henna is just as fun. You sit in a comfy chair, have a glass of tea, and watch the beautiful design unfold before you eyes. What a great way to pamper yourself during those that few weeks.
We are fortunate enough to have a great artists here in Atlanta: Talitha Seibel. You can check her out at http://talithaseibel.com
Recently I had the chance to share what I do on tv. I was interviewed but the wonderful Paulette Payne for her show “Profiles”. We had a great time chatting before and during the show about doulas and Hypnobabies so without further a due, here is the final result. I hope you enjoy watching as much as I enjoyed that taping!
in love and light.
Recently, our wonderful, local perinatologist, Dr. Brad Bootstaylor, created an “app” for all pregnant women. All pregnant women should ask these questions of their health care provider early in their relationship (if not before) to help determine the probability of having a safe, empowering, and life-enhancing vaginal birth. Dr. Brad shared that if your provider does not score a perfect 10, you should consider switching. For more information on Dr. Bootstaylor, please visit www.seebaby.org.
1. Does your Provider believe your pregnancy is normal, despite any co-existing medical problems that can be managed expectantly & safely?
2. Does your Provider believe you can go into spontaneous labor after the EDD (estimated date of delivery) while monitoring your pregnancy safely?
3. Does your Provider listen to you?
4. Does your Provider discuss your concerns with you like an adult?
5. Does your Provider encourage a “patient centered” approach to labor support (e.g. Doula, Childbirth Education, Breastfeeding)?
6. Does your Provider support “Birth Options”, despite some not being available at the facility of choice?
7. Does your Provider support and encourage VBAC, which is consistent with ACOG recommendations?
8. Do you feel comfortable and well informed after speaking with your Provider?
9. Does your family, friends, or acquaintances support your Birth Options?
10. At or near term, do you sense a “change” in your Provider’s temperament towards you?
Each “yes” answer = 10% and the probability of having a safe, empowering, and life-enhancing vaginal birth.
Are you Pregnant?
Do you know where you are planning on birthing your baby?
Do you know what their c-section rates are?
Do you know what your care providers c-section rates are?
Is your care provider supportive of VBAC’s (vaginal birth after cesarean?
These are all questions that should be answered before you begin a relationship (or very early in on) with the care provider of your choice. The last published c-section rates for Georgia were for Jan- Dec 2010. In January 27, 2012 The Georgia Hospital Association confirmed via Twitter that the DRGs (Diagnosis-Related Groups) for vaginal birth and cesarean delivery are no longer available on their site. If we want the information, we must ask for it. Below are the last published c-section rates that were made available for the state of Georgia. How does your hospital stack up?
cesarean sections rates for Atlanta Georgia hospitals
Here are a few more sites with great info about c-sections and maternal health:
A while ago I posted about doulas and what a doula really does: What Doulas “Do”. For this post, I’m going to talk about the importance of a Hypno-doula. Let me preface this by saying that all (good) hypno-doulas should also have the basic regular doula training as well, usually through DONA, CAPPA, ALACE or the like. They might not actually be certified but they should at least be trained. This is because a Hypnodoula training is not meant to be a complete doula training but rather supplimental information to teach doulas how to use Hypnobabies techniques along with their other tools.
That being said, lets move on to what a Hypno-doula does. A hypno-doula is specially trained to assist a mom/couple who have chosen to use hypnosis during their birth. They understand the power of the mind body connection as well as the tools and techniques taught in a Hypnobabies class (or home study). This might sound like a simple thing to learn and it is as long as that doula is open to learning. In fact, many doulas will say that they are familiar with the techniques but in reality, that doula may have a fundamental belief that pain is necessary in birth which is totally contrary to the philosophies of Hypnobabies. If a doula is serious about supporting couples that are using Hypnobabies (or any other class), they should be willing to go through the additional training (if offered) or sit in on the class with the couple.
You may be getting the sense that this is a bit of a sore subject for me because well… it is. I love teaching! I love empowering families to have EMpowered births that can be comfortable and peaceful. Finding the right doula for you is just one step in the process. I personally don’t believe that birth has to be a power struggle where a woman has to earn the right to be called mom. At the end of the day it may be a struggle for one mom but it may NOT be for the next. It’s all about her journey. Would I be a good fit for a mom that believes pain is necessary? Maybe not, which leads me to my point. Find a doula that will support you in the method you choose. Talk to her and find out what her core beliefs are. If she is teaching another class than the one you are taking, there may be a difference of opinions. Please understand that I’m not saying that one class is better than another because there is no “perfect class”. They are all (well most of them) great classes with amazing information and they are all different.
What I’m saying here is that if you choose to invest you time and money into a specific class, do your homework / homeplay and find a doula that is trained to support you, or is willing to learn about the way that you have chosen. If she says she can support you along your Hypnobabies journey, ask her if she is a certified hypno-doula, if she has attended a class, a training or if she is willing to. Ask her what instructor she trained with and why or why not she chose to get certified. Check out the Hypnobabies website to see if she is listed.
Why is it so important you ask? Great questions. At the end of the day, in the wee hours of the morning, doulas rely on their inner strength and their core beliefs to get them through. In the beginning, a doula can “try” different things that might work and if she doesn’t believe they will work, they won’t. In Hypnobabies class we talk extensively about “focus on what you want” and “what the mind believes the body will achieve”. During birth, a mom is on auto pilot so she relies on her birth partner and her doula to be her voice and sometimes even her brain. If a doula doesn’t believe that mom can have a comfortable birth, chances are, she won’t so do your homework. Ask for references from other couples that have used the same method that you have chosen. At the end of the day, you get one chance to have the birth you want so be your own advocate and ask the questions.
If the doula you choose is or is not a hypnodoula, can you still have an amazing birth? Of course!!! This is just one step in the process. One choice you can make that will form the complete picture. There is no such thing as a “perfect” birth except your birth so why not make informed decisions.
ok. now let’s talk about Vitamin K.
A Vitamin K injection is routinely given to all newborns that are born in the hospitals in the United States. Vitamin K effects the bloods clotting abilities so with a low level, it predisposes the infant to bleeding problems. About every 1 in 10,000 babies is born with a vit k deficiency and in about half of babies who suffer this bleeding problem after the first week of life, many will die or sustain significant brain-damage due to the disease, because of bleeding into the brain. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends this as a routine procedure as there are no other signs of a vit k deficiency.
So it sounds like a no brainer for an infant to get a vit K injection right? well, lets look at the other side of the coin. First of all, this injection is usually given within the first few hours of the babies life. It can be traumatic physically and mentally. (Welcome to the world little one now let me stick this needle in your thigh and fill your system with toxins that I don’t even know about on the off chance that you are that 1 in 10,000) Well, if you are that 1, it is worth it and there are options. There is an oral option available so that eliminates the injection part. It also has it’s pros and cons so please do your research.
So then we move on to the “toxins” part. Make no mistake, the Vitamin K shot is a vaccine and as such, contains preservatives. There are also studies out there that link the vit k shot to childhood leukaemia. If you want to know more about what is in the injection that your child might get, ask your doctor to see the package insert BEFORE your child receives the injection and ideally before you give birth. Read the label and become and informed parent. We must also look at the dose that is being given. The amount if vit k is 20,000 times the newborn level at birth. This dose is based on an adult level and one of the side effects from too much vit k is jaundice. Vitamin K is also meant to be absorbed through the gut but given as an injection, it bypasses this system in a way the body was not meant to handle.
Lets take a step back for a moment and think. The rational behind the Vit K shot is that all newborns are born deficient in this wonderful thing so in order for the species to survive, we must give them this life-saving shot? I’m being a bit sarcastic but really, all babies born in the us NEED this shot? Where in other countries they don’t? Babies may be born with a naturally low level of vitamin K but guess what? Vitamin K is naturally found in colostrum! Once again, nature has designed a perfect system for the survival of the species. Vitamin K is also found in the dark green leafy veggies so mom can also load up on these in the last few weeks before birth. When babies receive vitamin k through the mom/colostrum they 1. process it though their gut, 2. are with their mom without interruption, 3. their levels gradually rise and peak on about the 8th day of life. 4. there are no additional chemicals put into the babies system for them to process, 5. we are honoring the perfection of nature.
Now, there are some risk factors that might sway a parent decision making process. If it was a traumatic birth including vacuum or forceps delivery or if the newborn will undergo a procedure where bleeding might occur (like circumcision, heel sticks or blood draws, or surgery of any kind), those may be valid reasons to get the shot. Delayed cord clamping can also help insure that the baby gets all of the blood, including vit K, that it needs.
The bottom line is to know your options and be an informed parent, question everything and make the best decision for YOUR family.
I first learned about this from the book “What Your Pediatrician Doesn’t Know Can Hurt Your Child:” by Susan Markel. http://www.amazon.com/Susan-Markel/e/B00467C0TW. There is also a great podcast with Dr. Markel from progressive parenting at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/progressive-parenting/2011/10/04/important-facts-about-what-happens-after-baby-is-born. For more information, please check out http://www.givingbirthnaturally.com/newborn-vitamin-k.html.